REVIEW: "Eternal Eden", by Nicole Williams

Title: Eternal Eden (Eden Trilogy #1)
Author: Nicole Williams 
Format: Kindle eBook
Pages: 402
Release Date: March 16th 2011

Synopsis

Taken from Goodreads

College sophomore Bryn Dawson is a self-proclaimed poster child for normal. However, the day William Hayward enters her life, normalcy is the last thing Bryn will be able to count on if she wants to be with him. Too mysterious and appealing to be good for a girl, Bryn feels drawn to him in a way that seems out of her control—as if fate is orchestrating it.

Despite every red flag and warning siren going off in her head telling her not to, Bryn falls hard for William, knowing he’s categorically different from anyone she’s ever met. She never imagined how right she was. When William takes her deeper into the rabbit hole of his world, Bryn must decide just how much she is willing to sacrifice to be with him, knowing no matter what, fate always finds a way to have the last laugh.

Spinning a new twist on star-crossed lovers, Eternal Eden will put Bryn through a gauntlet of turmoil, challenging her to find the power within herself to become the heroine in her own story.

Review

I love my Kindle app. I've reviewed several self-published digital efforts on this site and many of them I've loved. On my recent reading kick I've read a couple more which will be reviewed here in a glowing fashion. Eternal Eden is not such a book. 

It. Was. Dreadful. 

Now I've dreamed of being a writer since I was a wee slip-of-a-lass and so I respect the effort that any writer goes to to come up with 400 pages of story. But that respect doesn't mean automatic praise. Even though I imagine it must be painful for an author to read negative reviews of a work they've slaved over, I'm in the business of writing honest reviews. No holds barred. 

I can actually sum this book up rather nicely in two words: saccharine rubbish. However, two words does not a review make so I'll expand. 

The book actually started off quite decently. Bryn (which is Welsh for "hill", by the way, and which is also a boy's name here in Wales) had some gumption and I was intrigued by her mysterious past. When William, the rather obvious love-interest turned up, I liked the little sparks caused by the clash of personalities. Bryn was narrow-minded and judgemental, but I was willing to forgive that as I assumed her icy presumption was going to be due to her past and a part of the story.

Nope. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned her character from a snarky, smart college student to a love-sick puppy within a matter of pages. Here, for your enjoyment, are a few of my "favourite" and especially sickly pieces of dialogue:

"I knew what I'd been born into this world for, and he was staring back at me."

"Once you've lived in nothing but darkness, when a light suddenly shines through - even the faintest glimmer - it's all you see, all you focus on, and the only thing you live for."

"Seeing you freed me from the clutches of the darkness in my mind."

"It was the kind of love that never gave you a moment's doubt. The kind of love that you knew, if you were not allowed to be with the object of it, you would choose to be with no one at all. The kind of love that would make everything you'd ever done, or would do, pale horridly in comparison, It was beyond comprehension and far beyond words."

Oh...wait a second. I just threw up in my mouth a little. 

The most poignant part of the above would be the "far beyond words" part. For something beyond words, Williams uses a lot of them to constantly reiterate the fact that Bryn and William's love is so sweet it'll make your teeth hurt. Furthermore, I remember reading somewhere (maybe in Stephen King's On Writing) that nothing should be beyond the power of words for a writer. 

Now, if you shove aside the thin characters, Bryn's ridiculously tedious self-deprecation, the corny dialogue, the cheesy situations and the fact that William is not only a stalker, but also is apparently a three hundred year old virgin, there is one thing which sealed the lid on the little pot of contempt I have for this dreadful book. It is a book which is about having a boyfriend. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in love. I believe it's important and life-changing and world-defining. I do not think, however, that the question "Does he like me?" is enough to drive the narrative of a book. You know what was meant to be the conflict of Eternal Eden? Bryn and William are immortals. The rules of their society nonsensically dictate that no immortals may have relationships with anyone outside of designated unions. All immortals have light blue eyes, unless that have sex, which turns them dark blue. So, if Bryn and William have sex, their eyes will change colour and they'll be in trouble. Oh, and some other big important immortal wants Bryn for himself.

Seriously. That was kind of it. It's about having a boyfriend and being denied sex. 

I can think of no redeeming feature of the book as a whole, other than it offers me the rare opportunity to post a review which results in a rating of half a star. I think this is the first time I've ever had to do that. If I didn't have reviews to write, I don't think I would have managed to slog my way through to the end of this dismal piece of badness.